In the 1953 movie Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Marilyn Monroe famously said, “It’s a terrible thing to be lonesome, especially in the middle of a crowd.” If you read her autobiography, you’ll find that she often felt this way both on and off the screen. In fact, many Hollywood stars have echoed the same sentiment.
Elizabeth Ross explores the concept of loneliness in her article, What is Causing Our Epidemic of Loneliness and How Can We Fix It? Researchers Share What Americans Have to Say About Social Disconnection and Potential Solutions (October 25, 2024). Ross identifies that the root cause of loneliness is a sense of disconnection from others or the world, which can affect both our personal and professional lives.
Remedy for Loneliness
Dialogue, Dr. Jim Knight’s fourth Partnership Principle, is described as turning contact into connection. It’s not just about speaking to those around us—it’s about truly connecting with them.
Early in my teaching career, I worked with two Instructional Coaches in my building. I’ll refer to them as Coach A and Coach B.
Coach A took the time to get to know us as individuals. She asked questions, shared personal and professional experiences, and built rapport. By understanding our unique needs, she was able to provide personalized support that truly helped us serve our students.
Coach B, on the other hand, had a very different approach. She rarely engaged in conversation. Instead, she would drop a stack of papers on our desks while we were teaching and follow up with an email full of detailed instructions. When she did speak, it was usually to issue directives or ask if we had reviewed her documents. Because of her impersonal approach, many teachers struggled to trust her, making our interactions feel forced and inauthentic. As a result, some teachers disengaged from the instructional coaching process entirely.
These experiences shaped my own approach when I became an Instructional Coach. I chose to follow Coach A’s example—fostering relationships so that teachers didn’t feel isolated. I wanted them to know they weren’t alone. Many teachers, like Marilyn Monroe, felt lonely even in a building full of people. Some even considered leaving the profession. However, once I intentionally built authentic relationships with them, I was able to help them see their value to our students and school.
When I transitioned into school leadership, I continued to prioritize connection. I kept an open-door policy and implemented Monthly Temperature Check Surveys, knowing that dialogue was the key to a healthy school climate.
Eradicating Loneliness
As a School Administrator, take the time to share information and invite feedback from faculty and staff. Making people feel seen, heard, and respected strengthens your school community.
As an Instructional Coach, treat teachers as partners. You both have a shared investment in improving instruction and increasing student outcomes. Working together, you can make a lasting impact.
As a Teacher, create opportunities for students to voice their opinions on their learning experiences and classroom expectations. Encouraging student agency allows them to take ownership of their learning, actively engage in their education, and develop a sense of belonging.
Reciprocal conversations are essential to building relationships and fostering connection. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason—to listen more than we speak. As the Turkish proverb wisely states,
If speaking is silver, then listening is gold.
About the Author
Dr. Kamina Fitzgerald brings a wealth of experience in Teaching, Instructional Coaching, and Educational Leadership. She is a consultant at the Instructional Coaching Group and Growth Coaching International (ICGGCI), an organization that leads global instructional and leadership coaching in education.She works with individuals and organizations to amplify their communication and implement consistent systems and processes so that they can make an unforgettable impact within their environment. She is passionate about mentorship and guiding people to take their life and work goals to new levels, while also promoting work/life balance.
Kamina is passionate about building relationships, leadership coaching, and creating productive cultures/climates within organizations. She is especially inspired to help school systems and organizations implement achievement strategies that are data driven.
When not working, Kamina can be found creating delicious vegetarian meals, reading/writing, attending church, or spending quality time with family and friends.
Contact Information
email: kamina@instructionalcoaching.com
